upon checking that i was indeed feeling beloved upon this earth, my chaplain at Hope just recited Raymond Carver to me. "and did you get what you wanted....?"

made me think of you all.

xoxoxoxo

Isn't it today that we were all saying goodbye a year ago? Love you and miss you all!

P.S. On a lighter note, Chance and I just played at/ attended a coffee house with Josh Ritter and smoked hookah with him last night. So... Holden is pretty cool.

my tummy feels funny today like it felt a year ago when the end was coming and i didn't want it to be coming. it's odd how bodies remember those sorts of things, isn't it? michigan is beautiful but i'm missing you all and sending kind thoughts your scattered ways.

maybe someday we will all be together again and we will dance

disneyworld

chance and i went to disneyworld, and obviously the first thing we did was get a drink at the bar, because that is where dreams come true. and in dream land disneyworld sells alcohol, apparently.

ps- you guys, im going back to the west coast in less than a month! and im finishing school! woohoo!

Singin' and dancin' togetha.

Last week I had this dream where Sam and Andrew were standing at the top of this giant staircase dancing, and a bunch of us were standing at the bottom watching them and clapping and dancing and laughing. There were wood-panel walls all around us and it was really fun. I miss you guys.

time warp

Hi everyone,
so I had a weird OE dream last night. First of all, I drank this weird shake before bed and was already acting a little woo woo so it's not surprising that I would have a crazy dream. And sometimes when I have OE dreams its just a bunch of us and I can't really make out faces, and if I can then I don't remember. I think Ashley was there, and Chris, and maybe Kasey. But definitely a handful of us. And it was like we were doing this "time warp" thing, like the song from Rocky Horror, but in REAL LIFE (aka dream life). And we would dance across this room and in each section of the room we would either go back in time or forward in time. But when you were in a section you didn't actually go anywhere, you just felt that it was a different year or month or something. So finally I went into a "present time" section, and I had this huge amazing monologue thing (worthy of a Patrick play, I'm sure) and I just told everyone how we shouldn't be going back and forth in time. It felt really meaningful and powerful, so I thought I would share it here. Plus, no one has posted in forever...so, COME ON, guys!

Love,
e

untitled

hi little family,

here's a little dream for you. i almost wasn't going to put it here because it doesn't feel like a real dream (for lack of story arc) but when i mentioned that to matthew he said - "that's silly, there are no small dreams, only small dreamers" (that part i made up)

okay here it is:

last night i saw chance and i held his elbow, like good friends do, and i said chance, dear chance, how are you? and it was nice to see him but he looked weary.

with love,
llw

elise's doppelganger

I dreamed I was in a bar talking with this girl who looked exactly like Elise but was not Elise. I only knew she was not Elise because she was wearing a mesh sports jersey, baggy jeans, and adidas sneakers. And her hair was really spiky. The weirdest part was, as I was talking to this girl, I could hear Elise's voice talking to me from inside my head. Creepy, huh.

a good ending to a scary dream

i dreamed that i was hired at holden (!) and my mom agreed to drive me there, only on the way she got mad at me and dropped me off on the side of the road in my bare feet. i didn't know what else to do so i just stood there and screamed. it was very scary, but somehow i ended up getting to holden. and when i got there i was so happy to see ashley and chance that i could not breathe.

Hugs

Hey there!
I think I crossed paths with a whole bunch of people (OE and otherwise) at a store mashed with a house earlier in my dream where I saw Lyndi. She was too far away for me to find her before the dream introduced a few more people. Later on, I walked into an old friends house, and Lyndi was standing on the stairs with a couple random people. We hugged and said the usual greetings. When I looked up, I saw into the kitchen where Scott was cooking dinner for a small party and wearing a big diamond earring.

War Dreams.

Last night in dream-land there was a giant war being waged against and unknown enemy, but Duncan rushed into the room I was standing in, fell over and was bleeding. His hair was shaved pretty short, but a big chunk of hair on the top of his head was burned off. He was in charge of something really important too, although I didn't know the specifics. I'm blaming One Hundred Years of Solitude for my war dream.

badasses

so i had another matt dream, and he is probably going to be mad at me for having another one of him like this, because apparently according to my ONE dream about him being my mom (haha), im afraid of telling him about stuff or something to protect his innocence. But i think it is safe to say that we have passed that stage in our relationship after our conversation in holland last week. So matt, I love you like a brother I never had, and take this dream with a grain of salt, please:

last night I dreamt that I was in this room in a place that felt like minnesota and was with a bunch of girls who i didn't really know, and we were all wearing crazy awesome tshirts that we all bought at salvation army. then i see matt outside the window and i yell to him to come over, and im yelling really loudly and with a lot of force. It felt like the kind of yelling like when you are in a large crowded room and you are trying to talk to people. And I remember giggling to myself afterwards because I was so loud, but I wasn't ashamed, I was happy because I was calling for a friend. And finally Matt opened the door and he was wearing this motorcycle helmet and carrying two stuffed animals. I didn't question the fact that he was wearing a badass helmet and also carrying a stuffed animal. I even said to him, "Matt, I like your stuffed animals". And we chatted for a bit, and I realized that one of his toys was the same dolphin stuffed animal that our dog has.

Everyone was there!

I had an incredibly long OE dream last night and although I don't remember specific quotes and actions from everyone, in the dream I knew that everyone from the OE was there. Hooray!

There were four distinct parts to this dream but none of them really connected. The first part we were all together in a foreign country ridding on an old, brick-red bus. The bus had two levels and most of us were on the top, I think, with the wind in our hair. At one point I climbed up a big stump that was attached to the bus for some reason, and sat on top of it. The stump and the climbing were similar to a stump I've sat on at the Holden boat dock. The bus was cruising down narrow streets lined with tall, orange and yellow clay-like houses and other buildings.

In the second part, we were all at the mall that is closest to my house in Iowa. I'm not sure what we were doing there, but Sam and Andrew had these giant hammocks that they were trying to set up in the middle of this little commons area. Eventually the security guard found us and kicked us out. We were all laughing and talking and started walking somewhere else.

In the third part, it was really snowy outside and we were all bundled up to play in the snow for awhile. Some were building forts and some were just sitting in the snow. I started making a bunch of tiny snowballs really fast and throwing them at people and I had surprisingly good accuracy. I hit Patrick and Chris Esh and Chance in the face with my tiny snow balls--just like, BAM BAM BAM--and then I started running.

In the last part (I actually woke up after the snow part, but fell back asleep and had this dream) we were all hanging out in the laundry room at Holden and this really weird animal was walking around on the floor. It kind of looked like a really big frog, but it's eyes were bigger than quarters and on the front of it's face, instead of the sides. It had snake-skin that was black with orange stripes and it kind of jumped like a frog, but would also walk. We called it a mouse--I don't know why. When it appeared everyone was really afraid of it and I stood on a table with Chance to get away from it. Chance was saying to me, "I told you it had a big head," and "Oh, GOD. OH MY GOD. Look at it's head." It really did have a big head but Chance was freaking out. Then Doug walked in the back door with a bucket and the "mouse" opened it's jaw, insanely wide, and Doug poured something sort of liquid-y and sort of chunky and red into it's mouth. After that, we knew for some reason that we were safe.

I don't remember much of this dream.

I just remember being outside with Chance and Elise and then this other non-OE person was jumping down these stairs with a potato sack on his feet. And then Elise and I were standing in a doorway.

Pot Luck

A couple nights ago, I dreamed that all us OE kids met up at this totally random place to have a pot luck. I took my plate to the table, and standing next to Matt, I saw his dish was white rice with black beans on the top. Rather plain, thought I, but I would never complain about beans and rice. Then I moved to the next dish by Andrew-- kidney beans and white rice, set up in the same way as Matt's. Lyndi was next and she used butter beans on the bed of rice. So, lots of beans and rice filled my plate, which had me confused. Did they all plan this? Or were their brains simply all working in the same wavelength? You had managed to make white rice with different kinds of beans in each dish, so you may have plotted this strange coincidence of foodstuffs. There were a few other foods on the table, but I didn't care as much about those, as my OE friends hadn't made them. Perhaps cabin...9 boys(?, oh gosh I can't really remember) made some bread. Now I know in real life, the pot lucks we had were wonderfully tasty and full of variety. Yet I feel that all of us partaking of the food stuffs in my dream would have no problems getting their daily carbs and fiber... if you catch my drift. In light of this dream, I hope that all of you are eating well. One of the main principles of Ayurvedic medicine is prevention- your diet is the first medicine. So eat balanced meals you college kids :) Lurv.

Happy Anniversary!

Hey, wasn't the 29th the first official day of our OE term? I'm pretty sure it was. Happy friend-iversary my lovelies. I love and miss you all.

this is not a dream

I just bought a pleather jacket.

A school and a knife.

Last night, I talked to Chance on the phone. He was waiting for the train he's riding to Holden to continue its travels to his final destination. We talked about many things, and apparently this led to his appearance in one of my dreams last night. I am sorry to say that no other OErs made this dream, but at least that means you have escaped the inevitable chaos of my mind in the astral plane.

Chance and I ran into each other at a school. I've dreamed of this school many hundreds of times before in similar incarnations, as it is the dream-version of my horrible middle school. (Not that the school is horrible, but my experiences there were at the time-puberty, cruel kids, hopeless crushes, and all that sort of thing.) Anyways I came to this scene with Chance after I went into the building presumably to get out of the craziness going on outside. We ran into each other near the orchestra room- my old stomping grounds- and I showed him my knife. Some sort of protection from someone or something I can't remember now. Don't worry Chancey, the knife wasn't going to be used on you. Then we headed off together, further into the bowels of the school. I'm pretty sure we got separated before I woke up.

And I'd sent a thought into the universe before going to bed that I might have lucid dreams, or at least dream of some important image for my future. I guess that's the divine's way of thwarting my attempts at foreknowledge. Instead I got to "visit" a friend who's going away for a year :( so I suppose I should be grateful for that.

musical dreams

This morning, right before I woke up, I had this dream that me and a bunch of random people were sitting in this room called Fireside at Holden and Ashley was playing this beautiful song that I remembered the lyrics to briefly as I woke up. And right before I opened my eyes she was still playing these sweet tunes and it was really lovely. So basically Ashley sang me awake today.

Also, I had a dream about Kasey the other night and we were in this room in San Francisco, but it almost didn't feel like the city at all, and we were riding something like an elevator, and first I was just hanging out with my friend Carrie from Holden and then all of a sudden Carrie turned into Kasey. It was just bizare because the aura of the room/elevator was really dark and weird. But it wasn't surprising because Carrie reminds me of Kasey.

I hope everyone is doing well! I will be back in Michigan (i don't yet know if this is a good thing or a bad thing) in less than three weeks. Maybe I'll see some of you.

love,
e

I am beginning to question the management of Bizarro OE

I had a dream last night, so as not to feel left out.

I was at the Oregon Extension, even though it didn't really look like the one we knew. A new semester was starting, so it was filled with lots of newcomers, but I, having already been to the OE once before (you might remember that), felt very confident and I made jokes and congratulated myself on being funny and comfortable in the place while I met some students and shook some hands. It made me wish that I could always be like that at the beginnings of semesters and other endeavors, instead of being so insecure and stupid and – though my dreaming self didn't think of this at the time – depending for the first month on Andrew Gehl's compassionately loud encouragements at my attempts at humor. Remember that? I was grateful, Andrew.

Eventually I started to panic because I realized that I was in Oregon for a second time and I didn't even know if that was allowed or whether it would be helpful, but the point is that it was actually a pretty stupid dream because nobody from our OE was even in it – students or professors.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "If no one from what we knew as the OE was there, where do you even get off calling it the OE? Don't you know, Matt, that it's not the name that makes that place what it is, but it's all the people that are there? Without the friends and mentors that we know and love, 'OE' is just two meaningless letters with no connection to anything in reality." And I'm all like, "I totally know that, but clearly whoever is running Bizarro OE does not and that is unacceptable."

Brief news from the OE and random thoughts

Hey everyone!
I thought I should pass this information on for those of you who may not be aware. John had heart bypass surgery on Monday, and to my knowledge is recovering well so far. I haven't talked to Nancy much about it, as this was all via email, so my information is limited. She said I could share it with you all, and I thought it would be nice for us to "hold" John and Nancy. Ya know in the loving, OE, IFS-infused sort of way. There shouldn't be any reason to worry, but this gives a reminder for us to stay in the OE loop.

A few days ago I did have a dream that Rachel made a cameo in, but I remember so little of it now. She probably said something profound that changed my dream-world perception.... That time in Oregon is like a dream now, something I remember vividly, in a bizarre way that makes my heart ache because I'm unknowingly searching for some truth that lies just out of reach. It says "remember this moment, you're life depends on it." I can only hope that I truly feel that passion and can rise to the occasion. I never felt so human and real as I did in that little wooded area, surrounded by mountains and wonderful people. So often, I miss the clarity of unhindered self-expression and exploration.

All you people in Holden (and on their way) make me jealous, I bet it's wonderful there. I wish I could come and join you, but alas I plan to dig my debt hole even deeper in the next couple years by going back for a degree in massage therapy. So, we'll see how that works out. I miss you all, perhaps we can make our paths cross again soon in some place other than our dreams or over the web of electronic information.

In your lives, I hope all is as well as it can be.
All my love,
Racheal

Kind of a sad dream.

I had a dream a couple nights ago where Chance, Elise, Lil' Mike, Chris Esh, Sam, Andrew, Doug and I were in this dirty basement that was this strange greenish/teal/ grey color watching a movie on a tiny TV. I was sitting on a wooden chair that was really far off the ground and I remember I kept falling over. I wasn't drunk or anything, I just couldn't stay on the chair for some reason, so I gave up and sat on the floor. Doug was laying on the floor watching the movie, and he knew I was sad for some reason, so he put his hand on my back. Then I remember walking outside to this little porch with Sam and Andrew. It was really dark and rainy and there was one street light above us that just looked so pathetic. I started crying because Sam and Andrew were going away on another trip and never coming back. The whole mood of the dream was really dark and sad. Althought it was nice to see you all, I didn't like the dream much.

Holden is as beautiful as ever though, even in the rain. It's cooled down quite a bit these past couple weeks and it's been really great. There is always room for any of you whenever you get the urge (and the time and/or money) to come west for a bit!

a nice dream where sam is the hero

I dreamed that I left Virginia to go on a New Adventure. I don't remember where exactly I was headed, but I think it may have been to Boston to visit my friend who will be student teaching there. Anyway I was taking the bus, and Ashley and Elise and Sam were on the bus with me. I was sitting next to Sam, and Ashley and Elise were in the row directly behind us. Ashley, Elise and Sam were talking about some game they were going to play when they arrived wherever they were going, and I started to feel left out. "Why do I always have to be that kid?" I said to them, slightly disgruntled. Sam looked me in the eye and said, "No, no, you're not that kid. We love you."

Growth & Community

Here is a quote I came across in Jean Vanier's book Growth & Community that made me think of you all & those magical months we spent together:

"When people start the journey towards wholeness, the pilgrimage to the promised land, there is a moment when their deepest being is touched...This experience can be like an explosion of life, a luminous moment, flodded with peace, tranquility, & light. Or it can be more humble - a touch of peace, a feeling of well-being, of being in 'one's place' & with people for whom one was made. The experience gives a new hope; it is possible to keep walking because we have glimpsed something beyond the material world & beyond human limitations. We have glimpsed the possibility of happiness. We have glimpsed 'heaven.'"

be well,
llw

I think this was a dream I had.

We were all running around in a corn field. I'm not sure if it was really a dream or just the first image I had in my mind this morning, but either way it was really nice.

Also, I'm glad Satan is part of our blog team.

not a dream.

hi beautiful oe people.

so i don't really have any oe dreams to share, either. i have them a lot, im sure, but i never remember them because i think they just feel so natural that they don't stick out in my mind anymore.

anyway, i ran across this mary oliver poem in the bookstore yesterday (they have SO MUCH mary oliver in the bookstore here! but i can't afford it so i sit and read it while other people shop around me. haha. mary's stuff is PRICEY, let me tell you).


When the blackberries hang
swollen in the woods, in the brambles
nobody owns, I spend

all day among the high
branches, reaching
my ripped arms, thinking

of nothing, cramming
the black honey of summer
into my mouth; all day my body

accepts what it is. In the dark
creeks that run by, there is
this thick paw of my life darting among

the black bells, the leaves, there is
this happy tongue.

August
by Mary Oliver


I like this poem because I feel this way walking through Holden--as if I am dreaming, or so apart of the natural world that it is almost no longer a mystery to me. Almost.

I miss you all very much. I think my greatest desire is that we would all be in one place again.

It seems like the general consensus is that the longer time goes on, the more we miss each other. I'm not sure if that is exactly how I feel, I just know that the longer time goes on the more I love you all and see how beautiful a thing the OE was, and how things like that can happen again if you let them.

Sending peace and love to you all.

-e

Oregon dreams I've had while living in Virginia

Hi everyone. I love you. Since I've neglected to write these all down as they came to me, I will present to you here a compilation/medley/summary of the Oregon dreams I've had over the past few months.

First of all, I dreamed that John and Doug came recruiting at Bethel, and who did they recruit but my little sister Betsy (who in real life would never, ever go to the OE). John and I were discussing this in the car together. He was like, "Yeah, at first all that blonde hair was a turn-off, but now I really like her."

I was worried about how she would fit in, but then I remembered how good she is at baking. I mean, she could be the next Alison.

Next dream. We all went to Lincoln for a reunion. When I got there, I walked into a room where Sharon was lying in a queen-sized bed. There was a fan in the room, set to high-speed. Some others entered the room. Lil' Mike was one of them. Then Rachel Fox came in and I hugged her and cried. Then I went to see Nancy, and hugged her, and cried.

And then recently, I had ANOTHER dream that my sister went to the OE. Only this dream actually took place at Lincoln, and we were all there, plus some Newbies, and it gave me great anxiety that Betsy Payette didn't fit in at all.

That's all for now. And I would just like to say that I miss you all more as time goes on, and I dream of you more as time goes on, and when I go back to Minnesota in 1.5 weeks I promise to make some serious phone calls. And if anyone is feeling at all antsy or anxious or in need of a vacation, please, PLEASE come visit Minnesota where I will provide you with a bed and some food and all the love in the world.

Yours,

Kasey

A Wild Party with Elise and Lil' Mike.

Elise and I went to visit Lil' Mike at his parents house in California. Lil' Mike showed us all around his room, which had brown carpet and wood-paneling on the walls and a bunch of lamps hanging from the ceiling. I don't remember all the transitions in this dream, but somehow we decided to have a big party and at one point I was sitting on a big armchair drinking a lot of wine straight from the bottle. Again, I don't know exactly how this fits, but at another point one of my philosophy teachers from Eastern was there, reading a quote from Dante, apparently, from an overhead projector. It was supposed to be a quote about love, but all I remember from the quote is that the professor said, "boobs," and I thought that was a weird thing for Dante to say. The last word in the quote wasn't an English word at all and used really weird characters that were made up of lines and dots, and when the professor got to that word, he stopped and Elise pronounced it correctly. Somehow Elise knew that language.

Eventually Elise, Lil' Mike and I fell asleep at this "party" we were having, and when I woke up in the morning, the three of us were sleeping on the floor of Lil' Mike's room in the shape of a T and there was nothing left in his room. I got up, looked around and felt ashamed because I got so drunk at the party I didn't remember anything after sitting in that chair and drinking. I left the room and went downstairs and there were three papasan chairs each piled high with clothes and sheets. Lil' Mike's mom and younger sister were standing in the room talking and at this point I noticed I had a tattoo on my arm and one on my stomach. I went back to the room where Elise and Lil' Mike were still sleeping and Elise woke up and said, "Whoa..." and I said, "I know." And then she said, "Well, I think it's a good thing..." (Lil' Mike wakes up in the middle of this sentence--and the good thing Elise is referring to, I think, is the fact that everything in the room is gone) "...because it was starting to feel like a dirty room, you know?" When Lil' Mike heard that, he got a little defensive and said, "Yeah, but it was clean."

That's all I got. I miss you guys so much. I think once you all come out to Holden (because we're just going to slowly convince all of you to come...) we should plan out our little community. And it will be grand.

A Bit of Nostalgia, or: I Haven't Had a Dream, So I'm Posting This Instead

I haven't been able to remember my dreams for a while now. I mean, for all I know they are about Oregon, but they all flee to the far corners of my mind as soon as I wake up, so I've got no idea. However, I assume if they were about Oregon I'd be both happier and sadder when I woke up. As it is, I'm pretty much just like, "whatever, lets get this over with." Okay, that may be an exaggeration. Also, this isn't what I wanted to say. All of this is superfluous/extra material--I know, I know; most of the time extra material goes at the end of something, but I'm trying to shake things up and, hell, I felt like writing this first.

What I really want to say is something that won't seem too great, or profound, or revealing, or any of that other good shit that would make me feel better about saying it. What I really want to say is this: I miss you.

Andrew and I went back to Oregon for a couple of weeks--Mike came down for the second of those weeks which, let me tell you, was one of the great moments of this past year--and worked with Doug and some other Ye Olde OE students on the mountain. If you're thinking how great that sounds, let me tell you something: it was. After that, we--Andrew and I--headed up to Seattle and flew from there to London. For the next month and a half or so we backpacked around Europe. One of the things we talked about from the flight out to the flight back was how it felt weird to be returning to our "homes" and not to Oregon. We felt like we should be going and telling our stories to all of you, to Doug, to Nancy and John, to Greg and to Heather, to all of you who, when it comes down to it, really understands us better then our biological families do. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and my brother, but it's fucking strange to be here. It's fucking strange that I'm not with you.

So, I understand that Holden has been a place where people keep on going to. Ashley, Elise, Chance, and I heard that Kasey may be going in the spring. If the people I love are going out there, then I'm coming to. Also, when are we going to start our own community?

I'll make lemonade and cookies.

Now I am going to go to sleep. Hopefully I will dream of you. If not, know that I think of you all every day, and when I'm not thinking of you, I'm usually thinking of whether or not pelicans are cute or scary.

Sam

Childhood Toys

It's been several hours since I woke up from this dream, about 12, so I can only remember a few of he major points. A great deal of this dream centered around OE people, and focused on childhood "memories." We were all walking/hitch-hiking to an airport, at one point we got on a white semi. Then it stopped in the middle of the empty road , which had a small structure nearby that I think we were trying to get passports from. Somehow the process involved discussions of childhood toys and other similar topics.

At a later point- I can't remember the stuff in between- we reached the airport. It was small and shady, and the airport people were jerks. (Well, I guess that's reality bleeding over haha I strongly dislike airports, security BS, and flying). Everything felt rather peculiar because I was trying to think of the details, such as: where are we going?, where is our luggage?, do we all have passports?, how/when did we buy tickets? Basically things none of you seemed to notice or care about. We were all children at this point, instead of adults just discussing our childhood stories. I got a weird video screen flash of all your passports- which consisted of a picture of your faces, next to your favorite childhood toy. Unfortunately I can't recall what your toys all looked like- it might have been interesting to see if I was picking up some crazy psychic wavelengths. I think I saw Duncan, Lyndi, Ashley, Scott, and Rachel's toy-passports. One of them was a dog, a long-haired brown dog, sort of like a brown golden retriever, although I think it was a real dog that went with us. Then someone else had a doll, and another had a white bear with a sewn on face that had a blue nose. Perhaps our destination was some Never Never Land sorta place. We never made it past the shot of me seeing all your toys next to the child-yous. It was fun to see you all so careless and curious walking in the airport, even though the security people were annoyed with you :) I'm not sure if I was a little kid too or not. It'd be an awesome alternate reality where we all get to see each other as children and play together. I think that is something we should try to do in the next life. I miss you all.

This is hanging up in the house where I live. I always think it is such a perfect and simple description of the OE. I miss and love you all!

this morning i was terribly grumpy because my alarm woke me up mid oe dream and i hated leaving such a good place and space in time.

but here is what happened:

i was in lincoln again only it didn't look like it but i still knew it was lincoln. there was one cabin instead of many, and each room had several bunkbeds. i went with my friend madelyn from hope, and the new oe crew had just arrived. they were having an orientation type thing and i remember watching from a second story window as they ran around in circles down below. they were very rambunctious. it felt a lot like summer camp actually - only all the parts of summer camp i hate - mostly stupid games and loudness.

it made my heart hurt because it didn't really feel like the oe anymore.

i also remember looking through the rooms with bunkbeds trying to find my friend lauren's bed who is gonig to the oe this year. i wanted to leave her a note telling her she was lovely. when i found her bed i realized it had all the same bedding as my bed has - even my stuffed seal named molly.

later, you all showed up and everything felt right again. i had an epiphany in my dream that i announced to everyone which was that what made oregon, oregon, wasn't the place, but the people. i felt at home again once everyone else showed up.

only, i remember saying it much more eloquently than that and feeling impressed with myself for my eloquence.

it's always a pleasure spending time with you all.

yours,
llw

Kasey, Pleathure, and Central Asia

So, after 48 hours of being awake I had the wierdest dream about Kasey.....

After flying into Omsk, Russia, my mom, my aunt, and I were picked up by Iggy (a Kazakhstan student my own age who has lived with my family for the past three summers) and his father and driven across the border into Kazakhstan. Mind you, it was after an ENTIRE day of intense touring of Moscow (imagine Red Square, St. Basil's Catherdral, the state's russian art gallery, and part of a Russian Orthodox church service) and a red-eye flight (at 1:55 am) from Moscow to Omsk, Russia.

Anyways, after getting through the border I was stressed and exhausted. It would have been nice to sleep in the car, but Kazakhstan does not invest a whole lot of money on infrastructure - the road was covered with potholes. More than once we hit one going so fast my head hit the ceiling of Iggy's dad's SUV. Anyways, I nodded off in the back just long enough to get a full picture of Kasey, pleathure and all, snoring on the floor of the cookhouse after a very fun and very successful Harvest Dance. Then we hit a pothole going 1 million miles an hour and my head snapped back. My neck STILL hurts.

Kasey, I'm not creapy - you are just a fox in that outfit. You should GO SPEED DATING IN IT! Just to be THAT GURL!

Kazakhstan says Привет (hello).

Lovinz galore,

Chance (or, as it is mispelled on my Russian visa - Чейнке (pronounced "Chyean-kye).

holden

last night i dreamed that a group of us went to holden village to visit people there. i think it was everyone that is actually living in holden, plus a couple people that aren't really - i remember kasey being there.

i think when the group i traveled with to holden arrived it felt like all of the oe together again. there were mountains and someone commented on how here we were all together again in our place (that being the west).

i remember there was some snow on the ground too, but it was summer.

and i remember nancy approaching us and she was wearing a regal shawl. i hugged her and said, "nancy, i'm so glad you are here. i didn't know you were going to be here." and i felt really happy.

but she said, "yes you did know i was going to be here. you saw it on facebook." and she didn't seem amused. she acted like i was trying to schmooze with her and she wasn't having it.

i also felt like nancy had a son and i was dating him and that's why i felt so upset that she didn't like me.

but other than that, it was nice to be with you all again. really nice.

yours,
llw

In the Woods

Last night, on June 24th (or more accurately something June 25th early AM), OE friends appeared in a dream for the first time in a couple months. In fact, several of my friends and aquaintances made a cameo in this dream. It started out in an old-fashioned restaurant that I've dreamed about a few times before , but never seen in waking life. While there, I met up with Chance, Ashley, Kasey, and Elise.

We had just graduated and were looking to get out of town for a while, so we drove until we found this abandoned cabin. Outside it was surrounded by trees with browning leaves, likely autumn. Perhaps it belonged to someone's family, but all that was inside were about 10 bunk-beds. There was one available room, but Ashley and Elise snagged it first. Several randoms were also in the cabin, (probably people I know, but can't remember who anymore). I couldn't help the feeling that we were hiding out, and that this cabin was a refuge from something dangerous brewing in the outer world. The night got dark quickly and we prepared for sleep, each picking our own bed and place to throw our stuff.

Then another friend of mine, Sean, showed up in the doorway, with about 3 of his own strange, rebellious, and blond friends (just randoms in my dream). It seemed that they were looking for refuge from a storm, that brought with it a gloomy sense of things to come. Once they got settled, I looked from my bed to notice Sean on the top bunk dripping water profusely onto poor Chance on the bottom bunk. It looked as if Sean himself were leaking gallons of water onto Chance's bed, but it wasn't pee, just strange rainwater still dripping off him. After a few moments of this, Chance woke up and moved to Ashley and Elise's room.

I followed him into the room, and I seemed to have come upon a meeting where some were very irritated with the group that had just arrived. It seemed that I too was implicated in disturbing the peace by being associated to Sean. After removing myself from that awkward situation, I found a basement and went down. There, Sean, his friends, and several others were playing music and having a good time. My violin was along, but when I tried to play, I only had a bow. I also felt out of place there, so I ventured outside.

While outside the cabin, looking onto a thin, dirt road, others arrived. One was a friend from my Taiko drumming club at St.Olaf, and he brought a few younger teens with him. They seemed a little sketch (even though in real life that friend is a great guy), but I let them come inside. The transition from this part to the next is vague, although likely very strange considering what happened next.

We all went outside of the cabin, probably kicked out by the new arrivals. Staying there wasn't safe, so I led the group down the road to a hill covered in long, brown grass. At the bottom was a boat that I hoped could carry us away from there. With the other OE-ers leading the way, I tagged along in back. It didn't matter that we were running because the other group came after us with bombs and guns.

The friend from Taiko club was the ring-leader, and his little teen cronies threw grenades into the grass around me, threatening but not hitting me. I called them demons and imps because they couldn't have been in their right minds. They had to be possessed (yes, I have fucked up dreams). Yet as the "good" group headed for the boat, they must have been further ahead of me than I thought. When I reached the OE-ers, they were out of breath and scared, but had no idea of the explosions I'd just escaped from. I tried to tell them, but everyone thought it was dumb.

I'm not sure if we got onto the boat and shipped away or not. And I don't know why those people wanted to attack us. My alarm woke me up before anything else happened, or I simply can't remember the rest. But this kind of dream is relatively average for me. Except in this case I brought OE-ers into my dark dream world for a visit.

As a side note, I think it would be fun for the dreamers to try at interpreting their dreams. As Jung says, we are best at knowing the meaning of our own dreams, and if any of you can remember I wrote that paper on Jung's archetypes and a little about dreaming.

My brief interpretation of this dream can be understood from listening to Arcade Fire's "Keep the Car Running" (or most Arcade Fire songs). It's a partial testament to my conspiratorial brain. As far as the possession stuff goes, I think it reflects my feeling that only those who would harm or kill others must be "possessed" by parts of themselves that developed in consequence of killing. Once that part takes over, the loving, vulnerable parts are completely overshadowed so that evil acts can be committed. It scares the shit out of me that people like that exist, as much as I have been guilty of admiring the violence and blood-lust worshipped through "entertainment" media. So naturally, "evil" people would be literally possessed in my dreams to represent the darkness in themselves that takes them over. I've dreamt about possession for as long as I can remember though, so it's a very loaded concept.

If you've made it this far, congrats because I'm finally done. Love and miss you all. I hope to dream of you again soon, in a more positive situation.
Racheal Jean

this is such a pretty blog & now for my dreams

it took me a while to remember my dream this morning but i wanted to try really hard because i woke up feeling full of goodness so i knew it had to have been good.

basically it was this:
i was at hope's campus and rosanna, and ashley, and elise were all frolicking around. i kept bumping into them and i felt so happy to see them so happy to be together again.

later i was talking to elise and she told me about something she was going to do. i can't remember what it was but i remember telling her that i thought she was very courageous, because she was.


then...here's an old one that i haven't written down anywhere yet, but....

i was at hope again, and unbeknowst to me, a group of oe kids just showed up on the sidewalk i was walking on. only there was this really strange man with them too, and he was dressed up in a crazy costume and i said who is this? and they said - oh that's just chance's crazy-ass cousin. and he did kind of look like chance, only he was kind of frightening and chance is far from frightening.

yours,
LLW

Holden Village

I should do a little shout-out to Holden Village.....

As many of you know, a number of us either are at Holden Village (imagine Lincoln, but four hours away from the nearest town!) or will be soon. Ashley started an 7 month volunteering stint on about a week ago. Elise joined her about three days ago.

As far as I know, Ashley is the head of laundry services until September, at which point she will change to the job she originally applied for (working in the craft den - weaving, knitting, etc.)

Elise is serving in a short-term position until at least the middle of July. I don't really know any details, but I know she is working with children.

I will join Ashley (and maybe Elise, depending on what she thinks of it) on August 21st. I'll be working in the kitchen as one of the head cooks.

I have also heard from some of you that Holden may be something you would consider doing for either a short- or long- term period. If so, feel free to get into contact with any of us (either through commenting on this blog, Facebook, or e-mail) if you have any questions!

Ashley and Elise - feel free to post to this blog regarding your experiences out at Holden! I, for one, would love to know what to expect. And it may aid others in their decisions whether or not to apply.

Official Christianing

Welcome.

After a phone conversation with Kasey Payette yesterday regarding a wacky OE dream she had, I thought it would fun to start a blog for the group. Really, this blog is for anything and everything. It need not remain dedicated to dreams, for our creativity mustn't be bound. NO SHOULDS!

Therefore, I christian this blog. May it bring us laughs, at the very least.

But first, let's take some time to remember those who have departed from us.


In Memorium

Fern Klink
A mentor, a friend, a kitty

I would also like to direct your attention to Mike van Eerden's blog. He e-mailed it to a couple of us on Facebook (those he was frieds with) about a month and a half ago. If you want, give it a little visit. He really prizes comments and feedback.

A piece of logistics - if you wish to be an co-author (which you had ALL better want), please add yourself as a "follower" to this blog and then Facebook me with your e-mail address (the one you used to follow the blog). I can only invite authors through e-mail.

Much love.